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I previously shared a little bit about some of my challenges throughout my life with feelings of anxiety. I've also struggled with depression throughout my life. On one particular occasion, I was struggling through ministry and the circumstances that were ongoing, but also with my feelings at the time--or lack thereof. One day, I was talking to my pastoral coach, and he told me I needed to rest. “You need to slow down. You need to take care of yourself.”
I remember thinking, I can't. I've got to keep on pressing in. I've got to keep on going.
He responded, “Stephen, let me ask you, what would you do if you had the flu?”
“Well, I would stay home.” Well, that was not always true. Pre covid, I came to church many a time and preached with the flu, but nowadays, I'd stay home, and I'd get some rest. If it continued on for a while, I'd see a doctor.
Then he asked, “What would you do if you broke your leg?”
“Well, I would go to the doctor. They'd set it. They'd put me in a cast. I'd have to walk around a little bit less, probably let it heal, all that.”
So he said, “Well, if your congregation would understand you having to slow down if you had the flu or if you broke your leg or something like that and you take care of yourself, why is it then when you're battling depression, you feel like you have to keep on smiling, you have to keep it to yourself, and you're not taking time to heal?”
Why is that? Why is it in our society, if it's physical, we think, “Yeah, we got to get better,” but as soon as it's something mental, as soon as it's something emotional, society says to just push through?
Today, we're talking about dealing with depression, and I understand that many, many, many people are fighting with depression on various levels. This isn't something new to most of us. If you are somebody who likes statistics at all, you would know that, especially the millennial and Gen Z generations and whatever they're calling the generation that comes after Gen Z, these people are massively struggling with mental health issues, and depression is at the top of it all.
And let me tell you today, whether you're somebody who is challenged by depression or you're one of those people who is blessed not to have to deal with it in your own life; we need to remember these two things as we approach depression so that we approach it properly. The first is this: depression is a very complex issue. There is no one-size-fits-all approach. Somebody who got themselves through depression might turn to someone else and say, “Well, you just need to do this, that, and the other thing, and you'll be fine. That's what works for me.”
And that person responds, “I've tried that so many times they didn't do squat.” Some people will say, “I struggle with depression. I just push through, and I'm totally fine.” Whereas somebody else, when they have depression, might have thoughts of harming themselves and they might not be able to roll themselves out of bed. It is an extremely complex issue. So we can't say, “This is all you have to do. Just trust more. Just go to the doctor.” These are good things, but they are not necessarily going to bring relief.
The other thing that you need to understand is you may be in this place thinking to yourself, I've never struggled with depression. I feel bad for those people who just don't have the mental strength and fortitude that I do. Let me tell you, depression doesn't discriminate. And for a variety of reasons, at any point in any of our lives, it can strike. Maybe it's something acute, maybe it's something chronic, but no one can truly know that they're never going to be hit with a season of depression or even a depression that lasts throughout the rest of their lives. And I think that there are way too many instances in the history where people seem to bring up the idea of mental health being the difference between the weak and the strong. But the fact is that anyone can struggle with depression.
Now, I do want to acknowledge there are some best practices when we're dealing with depression that we need to pursue. If you're struggling with depression, you need to go and see a doctor. That should be the first step. Maybe they'll talk to you about the things that are going on in your life. Maybe they'll prescribe something, maybe they won't. Maybe they'll say, Hey, you need to go and talk to a counselor. Do that. If you can't afford a counselor, contact the church. I'm not a licensed therapist, but I listen well and we can help connect you with a Christian counseling service that might do some discounts for you so that you can get the help that you need.
It is also possible that you need that exercise or you need to change up the way that you're eating. While these are some best practices that we can follow when it comes to depression, we also need to understand that they do not work the same for every person. As well, it is important to recognize that some are healed of depression while others struggle just to manage it. And there's nothing wrong with either one. Sometimes God decides that he's going to reach into our situation and bring healing and we praise him. And other times, our hearts break because we're so confused: “God, I'm praying about this thing. I'm believing into this thing and I'm still struggling, or they're still struggling. They wonder what's going on.”
“While there are best practices to follow when dealing with depression, understand that they do not work the same for every person.”
As we look at the topic of depression, let’s start with the experts in the field. Psychologists have identified four main root causes of depression. The first of those is biological.
root 1: Biological
These can be things like a chemical imbalance in the brain. It can also include chronic pain. People that are consistently dealing with high levels of pain are at a much higher risk for depression. It could be bad nutrition, it can be hormones-- that's why postpartum depression is such a thing. And ladies, you might have a child and you're feeling down in the dumps. You're like, I should love this kid, but I'm so sad right now. What's wrong with me? It's called hormones. And again, go talk to the doctor. It's important to take the proper steps. Don't just push on through. It can be sleep deprivation. It can be a lack of exercise. It can be that we don't spend enough time in the sun. Those are all biological causes that have been identified for bringing on depression in various forms.
Root 2: relational
The second one is relational. Maybe you experienced a betrayal and that just threw you in the dumps. You think about people now and you feel like you can’t trust them or be around them. It can be something that's brought on by a situation like a divorce. You know what other relational things can cause depression? Worldwide Pandemics. Suddenly, you didn’t get to hang out with family and friends. You missed milestones. Loved ones passed away and you couldn’t go to visit them or the rest of your family.
Root 3: circumstantial
The third root cause is circumstantial. This could be experiencing a death or some sort of loss. It's experiencing a trauma in your life. Even retirement can trigger depression! Many of us, especially for men, generally speaking, place a lot of stock in what we do for our value and our purpose and who we are. That's the reason why when you meet someone new, you say, “Hi, who are you?” You get their name. You say, “Are you from the area?” What's the next question? “What do you do?” And it's not just because a safe thing to ask, it's because we recognize that there is an intrinsic feeling of value and worth and identity in what we do. And so you plan and you scrape and you save and you retire and you're think, “I'm going to play golf and I'm going to do all this stuff.” And instead you struggle with a lack of purpose.
Depression can be triggered in an empty nest situation. You've poured your life into your children for 18 years, 20 years-- these days, 30 years. And now they're gone and you just hear the clock tick, tick, tick away, and you start to notice that your spouse has these really annoying habits that you didn't see before because you were too busy with your kids. And you're like, I'm stuck with this person forever.
Root 4: spiritual
The fourth root cause of depression is spiritual. There's a spiritual battle going on. Scripture tells us that every single moment of every day, there is a spiritual battle going on for your soul, for your attention.
And sometimes, when we feel the effects of that spiritual battle, that spiritual attack over and over and over again, it wears us down, and we begin to experience depression. The prophet Jeremiah, this guy, was an amazing man of God. God spoke directly to him, and he was speaking to powerful people in his nation through him. But Jeremiah was also someone who watched as his entire nation was invaded, as people were slaughtered, and as the magnificent temple of Solomon was levelled. He watched as people were marched out of his nation into captivity and watched as his nation turned away from God. But he was dedicated to serving and worshiping his Lord. But let me tell you, though, he had such an intimate connection with God, he also experienced crippling depression. And you might think to yourself, “Pastor Stephen, I don't think it was crippling; look at all the amazing stuff he did!” No, he had crippling depression. In fact, we have an entire book where he talks about his depression, or I should say, where he laments his depression. It's called the Book of Lamentations, the book of laments.
In Lamentations 3:1-8, 17-20, Jeremiah says, “I'm the one who has seen the afflictions that come from the rod of the Lord's anger. He has led me into darkness, shutting out all light, but surely this guy's not depressed, right? He has turned his hand against me again and again all day long he has made my skin and flesh grow old. He has broken my bones. He has besieged and surrounded me with anguish and distress. He has buried me in a dark place like those long dead. He has walled me in, and I cannot escape. He would bound me in heavy chains. And though I cry and shout, he has shut out my prayers. Peace has been stripped away. …peace has been stripped away, and I have forgotten what prosperity is. I cry out. My splendour is gone. Everything I had hoped for from the Lord is lost. The thought of my suffering and homelessness is bitter beyond words. I will never forget this awful time as I grieve over my loss.”
The fact is that we serve a God who understands that we experience human emotion, who understands that because of sin coming into the world, his plan, his design for the world was broken. And in that brokenness, we will experience these seasons of darkness and doubt and insecurity and where everything is just wrong. And for some of us, we're going to deal with long stretches, maybe even lifelong stretches of crippling depression. But the first thing I want to bring across is that we need to understand that God can still use us despite our depression! You're not without purpose just because you experienced depression. Jeremiah did a lot. If Jeremiah could be used by God in the way that he was and yet struggled with these things in the way that he did, don't you think that maybe we need to give people struggling with depression a break? Maybe we need to not lie the blame at their feet.
As we sort through our feelings and as we try to push through depression, there are two things that I think that we need to understand. The first is this: your emotions are valid, but they don't need to rule your decision making. So if you're depressed, the temptation can be, to think “I'm depressed, so maybe this job is the reason I'm depressed.” And you make a decision to leave your job because you’re mentally unwell. Or, you're depressed and you think to yourself, “You know what? I want to do my best to get a particular career. Maybe I want to go into law enforcement or something like that. I want to help people.” But because you're depressed, you decide one day to drink your feelings away. And then you decide to get behind the wheel of a car and you take someone's life and now you can't be a police officer.
“Your emotions are valid, but they don’t need to rule your decision-making.”
You throw it all away because you make a big emotional decision. Even though it may seem small at the time, you're just trying to self-medicate. You make this decision. Or, perhaps you struggle with the idea of self-harm and maybe you think to yourself regularly, “It wouldn't take much to end at all.” Again, your emotions in this moment are valid. They exist, they are real. But don't allow them to rule your decision-making. Understand that there are people in this world who care deeply about you. Understand that that is a permanent decision with a great cost. And so your emotions are valid, but they don't need to rule your decision-making. When you're at your lowest is not the time to make decisions unless that decision is to go visit a doctor or Christian therapist.
The second thing that you need to cling to is this: Even though your situation feels hopeless, there is always hope in Jesus. And what I'm talking about here is not a fix-all. What I'm saying is that in your darkest moment, you can cling to the promises you have received from Christ for the future in this life and the next. And when we cling to those things in the darkest moment where it seems like there's no hope, there is no light, it might feel out of grasp--just past what we can extend our hands to--but there can be hope.
“Even though your situation feels hopeless, there is always hope in Jesus.”
I have a dear friend. His name is Andrew Craig. He was the pastor here in town at Trinity Lutheran Church for a very long time, and he gave me permission to share this video of him just explaining kind of the place that he's at in his life, where he's been in his life, and talking a little bit about how he's making it through.
Imagine going through all of that and not having the hope of Jesus. Praise God that my friend does, and that gets him through. And for Jeremiah as well, what we see is that in the midst of his lamenting, he also has hope. A little bit further on in that same chapter where we were reading that he was pouring out his heart, he says, “the faithful love of the Lord never ends. His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness, his mercies begin afresh. Every morning I say to myself, the Lord is my inheritance. Therefore, I will hope in him. Therefore, I will hope in him.” And that's the big thing. Your emotions are valid. If you're dealing with depression, whether it's something in the short term or something in the long term, you need to understand that no one is saying, “No, no, you shouldn't feel that way,” or at least they shouldn't be. You can feel the way that you feel because it's true, it's real. But don't make big decisions ruled by how you feel.
And though it may feel at times like there is no hope. We've been promised a fantastic future in eternity, and that's the hope that we cling to. That's the hope that can say to us, I'm going to put one foot in front of the other today. I'm going to roll out of bed this morning and I'm going to keep on going.
For those of you who prefer New Testament verses, look at this: “All praise to God, the father of our Lord Jesus Christ. It is by his great mercy that we have been born again because God raised Jesus Christ from the dead. Now we live with great expectation and we have a priceless inheritance and inheritance that is kept in heaven for you, pure and undefiled beyond the reach of change in decay and through your faith, God is protecting you by his power until you receive this salvation which is ready to be revealed on the last day for us all to see. So be truly glad there is wonderful joy ahead, even though you must endure many trials for a little while” (1 Peter 1:3-6 NLT)
So today I have two action steps depending on where you're at in life. The first is for those who are not dealing with depression and maybe a little bit less-than-empathetic. Let me encourage you. Don't be the person that tries to fix it all. Depending on the situation, don't even be the person who says, “No, it's okay. You're going to get through this.” Sometimes, we just need to be present for those walking through depression. We need to cast aside the idea of laying shame and giving advice. And sometimes that person just needs a listening ear that can listen with acceptance. In the Book of Job, Job's friends come to him in his hour of suffering, and everything's going pretty well until they open their mouths. And sometimes we're like that too. We just need to be present. We just need to be caring. And it's when we open our mouths that those that we are helping go, “No, you don't get it.”
For those who are struggling in this time, various times in their lives, remember who Jesus is and what he has promised. There is wonderful joy ahead in our inheritance with Christ. And that's the message of the gospel as well: that despite how bad things are, God didn't abandon us, but that he stepped into our situation. He walked alongside us. And he died for us. And because of his death and his resurrection, which paid the price for our sins (i.e., everything that separates us from God), there is a process of healing that can begin to take place for every person who lays their life at his feet, but also a great promised hope in the future so that we can know no matter what this life holds, there's something greater in the next.
Let me encourage you, if you're a follower of Jesus, just to ask him to just give you a word of wisdom, a word of encouragement, or perhaps to challenge you in a place where perhaps you need to ask for forgiveness from the Lord because you were a person laying shame and blame on someone rather than showing love and mercy.